- Crew. You look at Olympic crews and they are all 16-year olds who can bench press 250. No one looks like they’ve ever eaten a steak; it’s all kale and protein powder, all the time. For fun, they’re probably runners. Not on my boat. On the Sea Deucer, we’re all about the mature, full-figured crew members with raspy voices and high cholesterol. We had to stop bench presses altogether after that stent surgery. But we still know how to win sailboat races.
- Parts. You know how hard it is to replace a wing ding on a Finn? Nearly impossible. They’re all made by elves living in this one tiny little village in northern Sweden. If you need to order a part, be prepared to speak Elvish Norse and know someone in Scandinavian shipping. If you need to replace something on a Cal 25, simple: you just buy another Cal 25 and take the piece off the old boat and put it on yours. You get new winches AND a place to sleep when your spouse kicks you out again.
- One-Design Rules. If your 49er skiff is off by a gram at weigh in, you need to find someone with an advanced degree in mechanical engineering to work on your hull. But for the Cal 25, you just need to shave down some plywood and BAM. Ready for racing.
- Relationships. These Olympic sailors brag that they’ve been racing their boat with the same crew member for the last two years. Like that’s a long time? Come on. My buddy Jack and I have been racing this beauty together for 35 years. We’ve gone through five presidents, four wives, and seven redesigns of the Budweiser can. I can’t get another trimmer because no one else fits in the groove his butt wore into the seat! If we don’t deserve a medal for that, there’s something wrong in the world.
- Overall Appeal. People love to complain that the Cal 25 is an ugly boat. But come on – do you seriously think the Laser Radial is sexy? Just one look at that boat and my back hurts. The Nacra 17 is a floating rectal exam if I’ve ever seen one. The Cal 25, on the other hand, is a sexy beast once you get to know her, aggressive and willing to duke it out when it comes to getting what she wants. Like a Kardashian cousin who can’t afford the surgery but still wants to be on the show. That’s our girl.
- Price tag. The Nacra 17 costs $26,000 brand new. It’s not even a real boat! But there are like 50 Cal 25s just sitting there in a boatyard in Mayo, priced to sell. Heck, I’ll sell you mine. And all it will cost is a six pack of Budweiser.
–by Puffy Derkins
